to Tattoo or not to Tattoo... that is the question

So.... I went to the South Dakota Tattoo Convention this past weekend... which was fun... and I got to thinkin.... hmmmm... Should I start tattooing again, or make jam... cross roads... I can draw portraits like no other, I understand the dynamics of color theory. I just havent tattooed since before Missy was born... (almost 4 years, boy where does the time go???) I'm a little scared... I am in need of some guinea pigs... any volenteers???

http://www.facebook.com/ta2ed.diamond#!/pages/Scottsbluff-NE/Elixir-Tattoo-308-635-3597/206181373428

There is a Video from the convention on my Shops Page...

The winds of change... and I don't mean Autumn

So i'm having a quarter life crisis... In the words of miss Angelica, "My life has changed so much and I am not the person I was two years ago, much less 5 years ago. I am struggling to bridge who I was with who I am now. I am so many things to so many people. But, I haven't a clue who or what I am to myself. I feel like am I loosing myself just as much as I am finding myself."

I think everyone goes thru this, its just a matter of either facing and moving foward; or facing it and either ignoring it or living in the past. I'm going to choose the first.

To reflect.. in cleaning up my hard drive, I came across some pictures of my younger, colorfuly rebelious, insecure, absent minded, inconsiderate, un-tattooed, living in the now self.






and yes... my hair is pink

I used to go to concerts ALL THE TIME... I was at some kind of music venue about 3-4 nights a week... I was so sure that my way was the right way. I knew what I wanted and I went out and got it (well that part hasnt changed). I thought I was going to be a tattoo artist in las vegas and that was that.

and ya know after having my daughter I realized what is really important. If you would have told me 6 years ago that I would be Married, have a child, own a tattoo shop, have my own Gourmet Jam Company, and live in NEBRASKA.... I would have told you you were out of ur f*cking skull.

But I love it here. I have an AWESOME husband. Have in-laws who dont drive me crazy. A beautiful healthy daughter. I've learned to preseve foods, scrapebook, and quilt(again). I can have my own house and GARDEN!!! AND I get to fish whenever I feel the urge.

Its wierd to go from doing things becuase other people think they are cool. To figureing out what YOU actually like and realizing how drastically different the two are.

I know that the future has many more twists and turns ahead. But whatever comes my way I'll hopefully know how to deal with it. I think the universe only gives you as much as you can handle, even though it may not seem like it at the time.

Farmers Market...

So I've been away for a looooooooooooooong time... too busy making jam and takin care of the munchkin to write....

I've done 3 craft fairs so far this summer... with surprisingly great success :) I just did the Farmers market this past saturday and holy guacamole batman I just about sold out of everything I make... which is awesome except I'm fressh out of jars and pectin... but i have enough jars to do a couple batches of sugar free... YAY! I think here shortly I'm going to need help with the wholoe jam making process... i'm having to make so much just to keep up with demand... and each week i keep selling more and more. *le sigh*

Hopefully it wont be as busy this weekend so I can catch up next week....


Also on the artistic front... I get to go to North Platte in 2 weeks and paint huge mural in the Walmart there. WOO HOO!! Hopefully if this goes well they will want me to do walmarts all over Nebraska and South Dakota... WOOT!!! anywho i've got to go get the munchkin.....

ttfn

Day 46 (whole foods)

I’m totally freaking out. Good and Bad. A friend of mine started talking to the Grocery store Whole Foods, about carrying my Jams and Jellies. AHHHHH!!!! (Insert panic attack here). I know my jams and jellies are good, but OMG!!! Totally AWESOME!!!
But the bad side, they would distribute in 4 states, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico. That’s a lot of fricking jam. About 300 jars of each type per week. That means I can do this alone. I need to get a Certified Kitchen. This isn’t cheap. I also need to hire some people to help me… total anxiety attack. I don’t trust very easily, so having to hire some people work for me and not steal my recipes excetra is going to be hard to do.
I also came up with a new name. But I’m not going to post it until I own it… Anywho… That’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past couple days. Now I get to make jams all this week… until next time…
Stina

Day 40 (anxiety)

So I haven’t been on in a while, I’ve had a bunch of stuff come up that made it hard to get to the computer. I haven’t been doing the Atkins. This year I felt like I was struggling. Super bad struggling. So I gave up.
On the up side after I gave up here in our town they had a baking contest called the “chocolate challenge.” I spent all day baking, Raspberry Chipotle Brownies, The best damn chocolate cake ever, and German Chocolate Cheesecake. I won best cake with my German chocolate cheesecake!!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!
It made me feel good. But it also made me realize how much anxiety I have. I seriously have very few friends, let alone people who live in town and would come with me. My husband and daughter came with me. But I don’t know I’m totally a hermit. I don’t go out to the bars, clubs and other places people my age go. I only really go out of the house if I need something. I have as many close friends as I can count on one hand, if you don’t count my husband. I’m not agoraphobic, (which means afraid of leaving the house) I just have pretty bad social anxiety. I think and worry way too much. Bah! I know it’s irrational, but it just seems like I can help but have these issues. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I was doing some research and I found that most people think you should confront their phobias to overcome them. So that is what I’m going to do. Or at least try. I don’t have health insurance (being self employed) I cannot afford to go see a Shrink or Physiatrist. So I guess I’ll just deal with it on my own.

Until tomorrow!
Stina

Day 26 (realization)

So after much deliberation, and conversing with some friends. I almost quit. For 2 days I ate whatever I wanted because I was tired of meat, cheese, and low carb tortillas. I’ve gained just shy of 4 pounds. It was totally worth it. I craved a crispy chicken toaster sammich from Sonic for weeks. I indulged. I savored. I now kind of regret it. It was good, but only for the 5 minutes it took me to eat it. I also discovered the bestest midnight snack food. Waffles with recces pieces and maple syrup. YUUUUMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very delish.

But after talking with my therapists, aka Ty and Mike, I’m back on. As Mike put it, “Every time I see you I will call you a quitter. I’ll create a damn profile on your blog thing just to call you a quitter.” Ty said, “What about your 4 readers?” To which I replied, “I have 7.”

I don’t know. I think I just need to make healthier choices in my life. For years, especially when I was tattooing, it was just easier to get fast food then make it yourself. My daily intake would usually include eating at a restaurant by the shop for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch, 2 double cheese burgers with Mac sauce, large fry and Power aid to drink. I would usually grab McDonalds on my way home from work, and then we would go to the bar and I would eat bar food. I know a lot of crappy food. That’s part of the reason I went from a size 12 to a size 22 at my largest. I am currently a 16-18 depending on the piece of clothing. I’ve purged my pantry and cabinets of the crap I used to eat. I’ve been eating a lot of salads and making better choices. With the exception of Sonic I’ve been making my own food (or mooching off my In-laws since they are doing Atkins as well).

I need to make a full blown lifestyle change. Get up early instead of sleeping in, make an effort to exercise more, and just flat out quit being lazy. I wish it wasn’t so damn cold and windy so I could walk to the park with Missy and she can play and we can walk. But, when its 34 degrees outside with 25-40 mph winds, its just not going to happen.

I’m not giving up. Just keep swimming just keep swimming, Size 12 here I come!!!!
Stina

Day 22 (Mrs. Fix-it)

So I totally deserve the Mrs. Fix-it award for this month. Not only have I replaced every single light bulb in the house, replaced and installed a new ceiling fan/light, fixed the electrical (with the help of my father in-law) and replaced every single door knob in the house… I smashed up my index finger of my right hand while I was chiseling out the door knob hole to make the new ones fit. I felt like a legit carpenter. Cause I did all this and I have injury to prove it! Lol well, I guess to be initiated into the fraternal hood of “People who think they know what they are doing but really have no idea Club.” So maybe I just deserve the “Tim Taylor Award of Excellence.” If you don’t know who that is, then my friend you are outta the loop. O well I feel like I’ve accomplished something so I guess that is all that maters. If I don’t do it, my husband is too busy with work and school, no one will.

That is all for today. Happy Saturday everyone!
Stina

Day 21 (wiegh in)

So my computer totally took a huge dump a couple days ago, this is the first time I've been able to log on since. It kinda blows, but what can ya do.

So As for the weigh in.... I'm at 232.7. Woo Hoo!!!!

That's 2 pounds for the week, and 10.9 for the month so far. AWEEEEEEEEESOME!

So I'm bummed, we've been trying to find a house out in the country forever. So we can have fresh chicken, goats, turkeys and the piece de resistance... a garden. We have a garden that i built last year in the backyard of the house we rent. But it isn't as big as i would like it to be. Last year we canned our own beets, tomatoes, green beans, pickles. We had alto of good stuff to can, i just want to have stuff i can have fresh, lettuce, spinach, basil, etc...

At any rate, we finally found a house we thought we could afford, with 2 acres of land. It needed work, but we are willing to put in the blood sweat and tears necessary. We went out to look at it... and i called the realtor to make an apt to look at the inside; and devastation. It sold earlier that afternoon. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *shakes fists*

O well I guess its not meant to be. *sigh* hopefully when it is meant to happen it will happen. But i do think we are going to see what we can get pre approved for and start lookin. anywho

I know i'm not very talkative today. Kinda have a been sick with my daughter and I'm kinda cranky about the whole house and headache thing. anywho
ttyl
Stina

Day 15 (delayed wiegh in)

So I didn’t forget to weigh in yesterday, I was just way too busy to come down in the basement and write about it. So after spending my two days being a good housewife, I’m back in action, or at least writing about it.

So After cheating and what not I did better then I expected to do as far as weight loss. I was actually expecting to not loose anything if not gain weight. But to my satisfaction I lost. Not a whole lot. But enough. As of yesterday morning I was at…

234.6 Pounds
So that’s a total of 2.6 pounds lost this week.
And a Grand total of:
9 Pounds total

That’s awwwwwwwwwwwesome!!!! My clothes are starting to get a little baggier. Which make me feel pretty damn sexy if I don’t say so myself.
So in celebration of the new change in lifestyle I felt the need to change something about my hair. I almost chopped it all off and got a Mohawk. But my stylist Tanya knows me better and I’ve told her many times if I tell her to chop it off, not to. So she is an awesome friend and kept her promise. But at any rate, I now have bangs, and I dyed my hair a little different. At first I wasn’t sure if I liked the bangs because I haven’t had those since I met Ty, but I like them. I really like them.



Speaking of the doteing husband. He kind of made me mad Thursday night. I’m trying my hardest to stay strong and not cheat any more. I went into the kitchen to get a Chocolate Coconut Atkins Bar, and they were all gone! WHATTTT!?!?!?!??!!!!?!? I went to Ty and he said that they were very yummy. He then proceeded to go eat a Peanut butter and Honey sandwich. What the F**K. I mean either do it or don’t. Don’t go eat all the stuff that helps me do it and then go have a sammich. Grrrr…
Needless to say when I cleaned out the pantry and fridge I made sure that all his stuff is separate from mine. I’ve got all kinds of good Atkins friendly treats.

I did make an interesting snack that was very satisfying. I took pepperchini peppers and I filled them with cream cheese. Very yummy. I’ve found with talking to Mary that its way better to focus on all the yummy stuff you can eat instead of focusing on the stuff you can’t eat. And I guess that would be my final thought for the evening. I know it was kind of random and not coherent at all. But oh well.
Stina

Day 13 (back on track)

So I’ve figured out that this whole blog thingy is an excellent motivator. If I cheat, or fail, I’m held accountable because I have to tell you all.
So I totally haven’t been doing it the past day and a half. As of this morning I realized I need to get back on track.
I had what I thought was a healthy BALT (Bacon, Avocado, Lettuce, and Tomatoes) sammich with double fiber bread with only 10 carbs per slice, and found out later that it was regular bread with 21 carbs per slice… Dammit! So I cheated some more and had some Reces Pieces. Very heavenly.
But today I get to go grocery shopping and I’m going to clean out the fridge, and all of our cabinets of all the crap I shouldn’t be eating, with the exception of food for my daughter. That will help with the cause! Just keep swimming!
Stina

Day 11 (I think I'm going to be sick)

Good evening my only two readers! So I think everyone on a diet, of any kind, reaches a point when they don’t necessarily want to quit, but they get tired of all the stuff they can eat. This happened to me yesterday.

I woke up yesterday morning made my daughter French toast for breakfast and settled down with 4 sausage links, 2 over easy eggs, and my industrial size bottle of Tabasco. I took one bite of the sausage dipped in the Tabasco covered egg yokes. I couldn’t bring myself to swallow. I tried, I was hungry. Finally, I was able to get it down. So, I tried again, same thing. If I took one more bite I was going to puke. Not because I was sick, not because it didn’t taste good, not because I wanted my daughters French toast. I just reached that point where nothing sounded appetizing, sweet or savory.

I went over to Mary’s house later that day, hungry, but tired of salad, meat, and eggs. She had something I didn’t know exist. A low carb ice cream bar. CHOCOLATE!!! Not only chocolate, Ice Cream coasted in chocolate and almonds. *insert Homer Simpson drool noise here* It was very tasty and made me get back on track.

On a side note, I’m getting excited for Valentines Day. I’m getting a new GOOD cutting board and a couple new knives. Plus I think we will be going out of town to go out to dinner. I’m totally cheating that day. I like having free day coming; it gives me something to look forward to. Well being a smaller size is something I look forward to as well. But alas my Guinea Pig, Sweet Pea, is getting antsy I’m going to have to put her away up stairs.

In the words of my good friend Billy, “Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.”

Stina

Day 7 (the Weigh In)

So… not last night but the night before… 24 robbers came knocking on my door… and I ran out… they ran in… Oh wait this isn’t elementary recess jumpp rope… Not last night, but the night before, I cheated. Bad. I had 2 pieces of the best tasting pizza I’ve ever had in my life. Well not really, but they were good. Just plain Jane dominos hand tossed. In my defense, it was a supreme with extra veggies and the only thing that was bad about it was the crust. But regardless, I felt horrible in the morning. I felt like an f*ing Failure. But a talk to my Mary Mary quite Contrary made me feel better. Everyone falls off the horse now and then, but the people who get back up on that on, stubborn, saddle less horse who are the people who are successful at their goals... Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming.

But back to the point of today’s posting. SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!! Stepping on the scale this morning… *cue the music* Dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuunnnn!!!!

237.4

For those of you keeping score, which I doubt that is a grand total of ….

6.2 pounds lost

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!! *does the happy dance* so yay that makes me happy and want to keep on going. Not that I would quit if I didn’t loose or gain anything. But it just makes me feel like all this effort is for some kind of reward… Size 12 here I come!

On a side note… if you haven’t seen the new V magazine, go buy it. They have features Plus Size models this month, which made me feel more ok about my body. Gave me a little self esteem boost. Anyways go buy it if you are plus size like most of America. Anyways I’m off to bed to dream of French toast and Doughnuts…

Stina

Day 6 (Frittata... Fritatta...)

So after 3 hellish days of preparing taxes to be filed for the shop (which I hate… no LOATH doing) I’m back… lol I didn’t falter in the face of an open face hot turkey sandwiches, with mashed taters, nor bow down to the temptation of the Taco Johns crunchy chicken and potatoes burrito.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT, I did however with the help of my awesome mother-in-law discover the bestest breakfast in all of creation… That’s right I said bestest… What could the breakfast of the gods be your ask???
Frittata
What is a frittata your ask? It’s quite elementary my dear Watson. A Frittata is kind of like a quiche… only mucho bettero!!! Its super simple to make, will last you for breakfast for days, and very low carb friendly! Here is your laundry list:

1 bunch of Asparagus chopped
1 bunch of Green Onions (or one red onion) chopped
1 Bell pepper (I prefer red cause it looks pretty once cooked) chopped
Meat of your choice. (I used left over ham, but your could use anything)
¾ - 1 cup of a Cheese of your choice
Half a stick of Butter
18 eggs (I know it seems like a lot but trust me)
¼ - ½ Cup of heavy cream

Pre-Heat oven to 350. Spray 11x13 pan with non-stick cooking spray. Chop up all your veggies and meat and put in a skillet with the butter on medium. Stir occasionally and put a lid on and simmer until the asparagus and other veggies become tender. Pour ingredients into prepared pan. In a large bowl Wisk eggs, cream, and salt and pepper to your likening; then pour over the meat and veggies in the pan. Put in center rack in your oven and bake about 20-40 min, depending on your oven and ingredients.
Once brown, use a knife to cut the center to make sure it’s done all the way thru. Then set on wire rack for about an hour to cool. (You can at this point eat it, or cover it and store in your fridge for up to a week)
***** Note: you can use really any kind of veggies or meat combination you prefer and really any kind of baking dish. Just make sure it’s sprayed with Pam and your Frittata is brown on top, not completely mind you, just a nice golden brown around the edges.

AAAAAAAAAAANNNNNYYYWHO!! Hope you enjoy. It may sound like a lot of work, but I guarantee it is one of the best breakfasts you will eat while on Atkins.

TTFN
Stina

Day 2 (dicovery of the enemy)

Sooooooooooo...

I was cleaning the house this afternoon, like any good Mrs. Suzie Homemaker should do.... and in doing so discovered the worst enemy to someone starting induction in Atkins on January 1..... I opened the snowman shaped tin my mother had bought me for Christmas to find.....

Wait for it......... Wait for it.......

left over fudge and Christmas cookies.....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I'm not a real big fan of fudge so it wasn't that tempting. But my mother had made peanut butter, chocolate and chocolate with nuts.

The temptation of the Christmas spritz cookies was powerful... but not as powerful as the tube of pre-made frosting, half full, sitting in the box. (some people don't like frosting so we always keep a tube with the cookies in case people was to frost the all ready decadent cookies).

But I was strong... I resisted... well almost... I tried... no I failed... lol I didn't eat a cookie nor a piece of fudge... but I did lick the frosting off a cookie my daughter had started to eat.... I know, I know... Bad Stina... your not setting a good example... but for the record... I looked on the tube... 2 carbs... in half a teaspoon... So, I didn't break the bank so to speak. But honestly, it wasn't as tasty as with the cookie...

But... other then the torturous cookies.... all is safe of the western front...

String cheese is my friend.....

Stina

Day 1

For those of you who don't know me...

My name is Christina. I'm 25, 5-11 and as of this morning weigh 243.6 pounds. Technically obese. Blah. hate that term.

I am heavily tattooed... and by heavily I don't mean I have 10 small tattoos randomly placed all over my body... I have both of my arms fully sleeved, entire chest, tops of both sholders, behind my ears/neck, both feet, hands, back piece from neck to back of my knees and both legs are in the process of getting done by my wonderful husband Ty.

Anywho This is the second time I'm pursuing Atkins. The first time I lost 30 pounds, got to pre-baby weight and stoped. I've gained back 20 of the 30 pounds I had lost in the course of last year. Not too terribly bad, at that rate if I do this every year I'll be at 170 in like 7-8 years... lol

At any rate....

My Goals....

I want to be a Size 12. Not necessarily weight, whatever that ends up being I just want to be able to wear a size 12.
OR.............
I would like to loose 76.4 pounds.... That would put me at 170... Yeah, that would be nice...

My husband says it doesn't bother him that I weigh more then him... But it bothers me. A side goal I guess, would to be on the cover of a Tattoo Magazine... A lot of the girls it seems on the covers dont have hardly any/or shitty tattoos and are covered heavily in makeup. I've got AWESOME tattoos, don't wear makeup hardly at all and because I'm fat... fluffy... or otherwise not a size 4 I have had no luck yet. O Well... There is Always Hope!

Anyways Talk to you all Manana

Stina