February 15, 2010

Day 46 (whole foods)

I’m totally freaking out. Good and Bad. A friend of mine started talking to the Grocery store Whole Foods, about carrying my Jams and Jellies. AHHHHH!!!! (Insert panic attack here). I know my jams and jellies are good, but OMG!!! Totally AWESOME!!!
But the bad side, they would distribute in 4 states, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico. That’s a lot of fricking jam. About 300 jars of each type per week. That means I can do this alone. I need to get a Certified Kitchen. This isn’t cheap. I also need to hire some people to help me… total anxiety attack. I don’t trust very easily, so having to hire some people work for me and not steal my recipes excetra is going to be hard to do.
I also came up with a new name. But I’m not going to post it until I own it… Anywho… That’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past couple days. Now I get to make jams all this week… until next time…

February 09, 2010

Day 40 (anxiety)

So I haven’t been on in a while, I’ve had a bunch of stuff come up that made it hard to get to the computer. I haven’t been doing the Atkins. This year I felt like I was struggling. Super bad struggling. So I gave up.
On the up side after I gave up here in our town they had a baking contest called the “chocolate challenge.” I spent all day baking, Raspberry Chipotle Brownies, The best damn chocolate cake ever, and German Chocolate Cheesecake. I won best cake with my German chocolate cheesecake!!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!
It made me feel good. But it also made me realize how much anxiety I have. I seriously have very few friends, let alone people who live in town and would come with me. My husband and daughter came with me. But I don’t know I’m totally a hermit. I don’t go out to the bars, clubs and other places people my age go. I only really go out of the house if I need something. I have as many close friends as I can count on one hand, if you don’t count my husband. I’m not agoraphobic, (which means afraid of leaving the house) I just have pretty bad social anxiety. I think and worry way too much. Bah! I know it’s irrational, but it just seems like I can help but have these issues. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I was doing some research and I found that most people think you should confront their phobias to overcome them. So that is what I’m going to do. Or at least try. I don’t have health insurance (being self employed) I cannot afford to go see a Shrink or Physiatrist. So I guess I’ll just deal with it on my own.

Until tomorrow!