It's just a wafer thin mint sir.....

Hello my Lovelies,
   First off, I would like to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas & Happy Chaunaka.  Also a early Happy New Year.  

   So, I think I was very good the week before Christmas; worked out every day, ate good and everything, knowing that the Christmas Party was coming up.  We had our tattoo shops Christmas Party on the 18th, and we went to go get Sushi.  (In case you don't know, I LOVE SUSHI!!!!!)

    I stuff my face until I feel like I'm gonna pop.  Oh, man was it good, totally worth the uncomfortably full stomach.  On the drive home, I started to feel nauseous.  Ick.   As we walk inside I immediately run to the bathroom and sit on the rim of the bath tub awaiting the inevitable.  But when I sat down I started to feel much better.  So, I get up and go lay down. 

     As I'm laying there, feeling like a gluten, I'm suddenly reminded of a scene from "Monty Python's Flying Circus." 

Fair Warning, this video is pretty graphic, and disgusting.  Viewer discretion advised, blah, blah, blah.

   So I'm sorry if this made you sick to your stomach.... but this is pretty much how I felt, completely overindulged, full, and uncomfortable.  

   As I'm sure you can imagine, after this visual runs through my head, I start debating if I should just go try to puke (which will mean no more sushi for Stina ever again), or just try and digest this sushi awesomeness in my belly, so I can eat sushi another day.

  Well, my stomach made my mind up for me.  All of the sudden I have this dire urge to up chuck.  I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, I can never eat sushi ever again.  Which breaks my heart.  But, I'm totally getting a sushi tattoo with Rest in Pieces somewhere.   

  The husband said I got my abb workout in at least.  Always look on the bright side of life, right!?

  I felt sick, but not puking sick after a little sleep, and decide I'm not going out in public, let alone to the gym for several days. 

   The next night my daughter starts not feeling good.  Like clockwork, she had the same problem I did the night before.  So we curled up and watched, "The Nutcracker ballet." Very Christmasy.

  At this rate, I just decide that it's so close to Christmas.  I'm not going to go into the gym, and I'm going to allow myself to have a break.  But after Christmas; it's on like Donkey Kong.

  I must say it was awesome!  We had a great Christmas ^u^  Filled with lots of cookies, candies, and no regrets!

 

     My sister-in-law came to town and decided to have all the girls come over for a sleep over last night.  THANK YOU!!!!!  Because of this, the husband decides he wants to work out with me.  And let me tell you, I will never do that again.  Geez.  He was like a drill Sargent with ADD.  He had no plan what so ever.  "Do this machine, then this, now do that, go do this one.  O yeah, I forgot about that one."  I wanted to tell him what my he tells me when I get distracted..... "Oh, look at da Kitty."  He was completely off track, no sense of direction, just having me do whatever comes to his mind.  I felt like a chicken with my head cut off.

   Then, when I started using the machine I already knew how to use, he comes over and looks at me without any emotion in his face and tells me, rather sternly, "Do 10-15."  Then promptly walks off. 

      WTF!  I'm having a hard time doing 7 in a set let alone 10-15.  

      I occasionally have trouble with anxiety; and when I feel overwhelmed I shut down, and for some reason this just pushed me over the edge.  So I said, "F*ck it. I'm done."

  I finish what I was doing.  Walk back over to where he was doing his lifting, make him stop, and told him, like kid on the playground,"You're mean and I want to work out with Mike.  I don't want to play with you anymore."  

   

   Does this make me a bad wife....?  I think not.  I love my husband, but if this is going to work; and I'm going to make Operation Skinny Bitch successful, I'm going to have to kick him to the curb, (at least when the gym is concerned.)

He who makes a beast of himself...

Today I made my very first trip to the intimidating GNC.  I'm lactose intolerant, so I wanted to see if they had soy protein powder for after my workout. 

Of course when I walk in there is a dude working the counter who looks like he spends about 8 hours a day in the gym.  O well.  I go up to him and ask him if they have soy, and they do!  WOO HOO!!  Pickings were slim as far as flavors, but beggars can't be choosers.  I bring home my goodies, and get ready for dinner, (homemade vegetable soup).

After getting the munchkin ready for bed, I headed out with Mike to the gym, (Ty stayed home with Missy). 

I was so happy to find that there wasn't anyone there. 

Tonight we did lats, biceps, and abs.  So, Mike basically showed me how to set up and use the machines.  He told me that tonight I need to keep my heart rate up, that I would start on the bike, lift, then go back to the bike.

So I started on the cardio setting on the recumbent bike for 12 minutes.  OMG! It just about kicked my ass.   It went from level 1 to 16 in about 5 minutes.  My thighs were burning, and I almost stopped, then a song came over the radio; Avenged Sevenfolds - Bat Country


"He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man."  As cheesy as it sounds, it totally helped me to push through.  Then it rose to level 19.  Jeez I thought I was gonna die, then came the section in the song:

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

Granted, this song I'm sure has some relation to drugs, as the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Theme indicates.  But, I made me think that I'm on my own, no one else can do this for me.  I have to push through, and before I knew it, the level went down and I was done.

I worked on the Lat Row Machine, did bicep curls, and leg lifts, one after the other trying to keep my heart rate up as I did them.  I did and extra set of 20 each, because I felt like I could. 

Then I went back to the Bike again, for another 30 minutes, on the weight loss setting.  It was nice because I felt like I was working.  Sweating my ass off. 
Then, another song came on the radio, from one of favorite artists/bands; White Zombie, More Human then Human. 


I had to pool all my strength and endurance.  It made me try to go as fast as I could for the last 5 minutes.  I was happy I was able to get through the last 5 at 90 RPM.... I think next time I'll go for 100 RPM.   Now on to tomorrow!!

Also FYI, the Vanilla Soy Protein Powder from GNC is excellent!

23 1/2 hours

So I haven't gone in the last 3 days to the gym.... I know, I know.  Excusses, Excusses. Friday I was getting ready for the Farmers Market, and Saturday was the Farmers Market, and today I felt like being lazy.  I also was having pretty severe pain in my left knee. 

I was almost going to say f*ck it. I'm happy being me, I don't really mind being a big girl, my knees hurt, I give up, I'm throwing in the towel.

I watched a video this evening that completely changed my mind; and know what, deep down inside I knew what I thought isn't true, (except for my knees). I don't want to give up. I want to be healthy, fit in a size 12, and maybe alieviate some of the pain in my knees. 

Do my knees hurt, yes.  But I'm pretty sure that this process isn't going to be easy, and there is going to be pain.  And that nothing worth doing, is easy.  Take a walk after you eat dinner, take the stairs, park further away in the parking lot at Wally World.

 Every little thing will add up to: Less pain, more sleep, smaller waist line, lower blood pressure, and well maybe being around a bit longer to enjoy what life has to offer.

That being said, here is the viedo I watched:

heheehe

I stumbled across this and it made me smile ^u^

Oil can...

I woke up this morning, and couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.... not because I didn't want to. I physically couldn't move. I felt like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz squeaking out, "Oil can." I don't think I've been so stiff in my life. As I lay there, I began to think about the fact that I was actually pretty excited about going back today. This totally caught me by surprise.

I started to think about the fact that laying here and using the soreness as an excuse not to go, is what got me to a BMI of 35.3. Now, I've got to get up. I'm doing this because I don't want to be fat anymore. So I've got to suck it up and get out of bed.

Mike told me that the first thing you need to do when you get up is EAT. Don't wait a half hour, or hour, or get dressed first. It helps get your metabolism going. If you don't eat when you first get up, your body starts burning your fat and tissue. BUT, when you don't eat, you body thinks that you aren't going to get any food for a while, so it stores what you do eat later as Fat. He also said if you're going to eat carbs, eat them in the first part of the day, so you have time to use them up during the day.

So I grab a bowl of Kashi Vanilla Island, my vitamins and hit the road. I like Kashi, because they use whole grains, it's high in fiber, and it’s organic. Plus it tastes really yummy. I also like to make Steel Cut oatmeal, and splenda brown sugar, and Raisins. Man, talking about this makes me want to have breakfast again.

Also, I feel it's important to let you know I have knee problems.  I have a medical condition where my bone and cartilage die in my knee joints. I want to write about this process, to show people who might have medical problems, that they can do this too. You just might have to go about it a different way. I can't do a lot of things as far as cardio is concerned. But I can work on the recumbent bike.

So that is what I did today. It was pretty uneventful. Although the three flights of stairs to get to the locker room is getting a little annoying. Just when you think you're done, you realize you have to walk your spaghetti legs up those G.D. stairs.

I won't be going tomorrow; I have to make Bacon Jam for the Farmers Market on Saturday. But I will go on Friday. Until we meet again!

35.3

So I've had a bunch of people tell me that I'm not fat, which is I greatly appreciate. But the simple facts are, that I am 27, 5'11 and weigh 253 pounds. What is my Ideal weight?? Between 136-178, for my age and height. So, I appreciate people trying to make me feel better about my size (which is 20 by the way). But the Gods honest truth is that I am Obese.

My BMI (Body mass index) is 35.3.

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
Overweight = 25–29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

  I'm not saying I want to be a twig, I just want to be healthy, (and a size 12 to boot).  I want set a better example for Missy. 

While I want to think that I'm "fine," I am not healthy. It's the truth, I eat way too much fast food, drive thru or processed. I don't prepare my own "healthy" meals very often, and when I do it's usually loaded with cheese, starch, or sugar.  I also do not exercise, except from today on.  I need to be honest about this, and own up to it.  It's the only way I feel like I can move on to improve. 

Not going to lie though, I love my pastas, breads and anything sweet. *cue the Homer Simpson drool noise*  I'm not saying I'm not going to consume those things, I'm going to try to find healthier alternatives. When I find something good and healthy, I'll share. 

Although the occasional homemade cookie, or Cinnamon roll might find it's way onto my plate from time to time.  It just means I have to work out extra hard that day to burn it off.

I love and appreciate all of the support and encouragement that I've been given by friends, family, and total strangers. THANK YOU!!!  Bring on to day 2!  HOORAW!!!

Operation Skinny Bitch

I woke up this morning dreading what lies ahead.... The gym. I think to myself, if I throw a temper-tantrum, maybe hold my breath, or just ignore Mike, I won't have to go. Damn you anxiety! But I need to go.... for my daughter, I need to go. So I go to the kitchen and Mike is there, he told me something that seemed to ease my anxious mind... He said, "Ya know, if you go in there and there is some hot chick, with a 6 pack, or a guy all built; remember they all started in the same place as you are today. Everyone has to start somewhere. They won't look at you and think, 'she's fat, and why is she here.' They probably think, 'At least she is trying to do something to better herself.'" I find it a little hard to believe that they would have started at the same weight as me, but I understand what he is trying to say. This somewhat eased my mind, however, in the back of my mind I still think they will look at me and think I'm fat (which I am). But, ya know what? I went. On the drive over, I'm praying that there isn't anyone there. "Please let no one be there, I don't want anyone to see me making a fool of myself." I pull up and there are 2 cars. Great. I suck it up and go inside. Mike shows me where the locker rooms are, and I drop off my coat and keys. Head back down the 3 flights of stairs and wait for Mike. Of course there is a chick in there that is in ridiculous shape, and a guy who of course is all built and muscley. *sigh* Finally he gets down stairs and shows me where everything is. I suck up my anxiety, ok, let’s do this. He explains how to use the bench press. Puts 25 pounds on each side, I lay down on the bench, and.... nothing, I can't lift it. (Gives you an appreciation for people who talk about benching 300 pounds.) So, he switches it out for 10 pounds, and tells me how many to do. Much better and easier, or rather doable. Then we do the dumbbell for triceps. That sucks I must say. Then we go to do leg lifts. I go stand on the machine, and can’t even hold myself up. I must say I feel pretty defeated. But Mike is so good and understanding, he tells me, “It’s ok, one day we’ll get there.” So we go lie down on the mat and do crunches.... which sucked. He told me that after I do the sets for my chest, triceps, and abs; that I would work on the Bike for Cardio. I must say, I never thought that riding a bike would be such an incentive to finish the work out. I've figured out if it doesn't suck, then you're probably doing it wrong. I spent about 20 minutes on the recumbent bike, after the lifting, and zoned out. I must say it's kind of nice to be able to live inside your head for a bit. I zone out thinking about how nice it would be to be skinny, what kind of clothes I’d where, what my daughter will think, then my machine beeps at me and tells me I’m done. THANK GOODNESS! The walk up the stairs to get my stuff sucked too... I hate stairs…. But I think about it like a last push work out before going home. *le sigh* So I must say as much as my arms and legs feel like spaghetti, I hurt and don’t want to do it again (even thought I will); I’m very grateful for Mike. Not only because he is taking time out of his day, to help this fat chick be not so fat. But he isn’t judging me or making feel bad because I’m fat. THANK YOU MIKE! Operation skinny bitch is underway!