23 1/2 hours

So I haven't gone in the last 3 days to the gym.... I know, I know.  Excusses, Excusses. Friday I was getting ready for the Farmers Market, and Saturday was the Farmers Market, and today I felt like being lazy.  I also was having pretty severe pain in my left knee. 

I was almost going to say f*ck it. I'm happy being me, I don't really mind being a big girl, my knees hurt, I give up, I'm throwing in the towel.

I watched a video this evening that completely changed my mind; and know what, deep down inside I knew what I thought isn't true, (except for my knees). I don't want to give up. I want to be healthy, fit in a size 12, and maybe alieviate some of the pain in my knees. 

Do my knees hurt, yes.  But I'm pretty sure that this process isn't going to be easy, and there is going to be pain.  And that nothing worth doing, is easy.  Take a walk after you eat dinner, take the stairs, park further away in the parking lot at Wally World.

 Every little thing will add up to: Less pain, more sleep, smaller waist line, lower blood pressure, and well maybe being around a bit longer to enjoy what life has to offer.

That being said, here is the viedo I watched:

heheehe

I stumbled across this and it made me smile ^u^

Oil can...

I woke up this morning, and couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.... not because I didn't want to. I physically couldn't move. I felt like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz squeaking out, "Oil can." I don't think I've been so stiff in my life. As I lay there, I began to think about the fact that I was actually pretty excited about going back today. This totally caught me by surprise.

I started to think about the fact that laying here and using the soreness as an excuse not to go, is what got me to a BMI of 35.3. Now, I've got to get up. I'm doing this because I don't want to be fat anymore. So I've got to suck it up and get out of bed.

Mike told me that the first thing you need to do when you get up is EAT. Don't wait a half hour, or hour, or get dressed first. It helps get your metabolism going. If you don't eat when you first get up, your body starts burning your fat and tissue. BUT, when you don't eat, you body thinks that you aren't going to get any food for a while, so it stores what you do eat later as Fat. He also said if you're going to eat carbs, eat them in the first part of the day, so you have time to use them up during the day.

So I grab a bowl of Kashi Vanilla Island, my vitamins and hit the road. I like Kashi, because they use whole grains, it's high in fiber, and it’s organic. Plus it tastes really yummy. I also like to make Steel Cut oatmeal, and splenda brown sugar, and Raisins. Man, talking about this makes me want to have breakfast again.

Also, I feel it's important to let you know I have knee problems.  I have a medical condition where my bone and cartilage die in my knee joints. I want to write about this process, to show people who might have medical problems, that they can do this too. You just might have to go about it a different way. I can't do a lot of things as far as cardio is concerned. But I can work on the recumbent bike.

So that is what I did today. It was pretty uneventful. Although the three flights of stairs to get to the locker room is getting a little annoying. Just when you think you're done, you realize you have to walk your spaghetti legs up those G.D. stairs.

I won't be going tomorrow; I have to make Bacon Jam for the Farmers Market on Saturday. But I will go on Friday. Until we meet again!

35.3

So I've had a bunch of people tell me that I'm not fat, which is I greatly appreciate. But the simple facts are, that I am 27, 5'11 and weigh 253 pounds. What is my Ideal weight?? Between 136-178, for my age and height. So, I appreciate people trying to make me feel better about my size (which is 20 by the way). But the Gods honest truth is that I am Obese.

My BMI (Body mass index) is 35.3.

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
Overweight = 25–29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

  I'm not saying I want to be a twig, I just want to be healthy, (and a size 12 to boot).  I want set a better example for Missy. 

While I want to think that I'm "fine," I am not healthy. It's the truth, I eat way too much fast food, drive thru or processed. I don't prepare my own "healthy" meals very often, and when I do it's usually loaded with cheese, starch, or sugar.  I also do not exercise, except from today on.  I need to be honest about this, and own up to it.  It's the only way I feel like I can move on to improve. 

Not going to lie though, I love my pastas, breads and anything sweet. *cue the Homer Simpson drool noise*  I'm not saying I'm not going to consume those things, I'm going to try to find healthier alternatives. When I find something good and healthy, I'll share. 

Although the occasional homemade cookie, or Cinnamon roll might find it's way onto my plate from time to time.  It just means I have to work out extra hard that day to burn it off.

I love and appreciate all of the support and encouragement that I've been given by friends, family, and total strangers. THANK YOU!!!  Bring on to day 2!  HOORAW!!!

Operation Skinny Bitch

I woke up this morning dreading what lies ahead.... The gym. I think to myself, if I throw a temper-tantrum, maybe hold my breath, or just ignore Mike, I won't have to go. Damn you anxiety! But I need to go.... for my daughter, I need to go. So I go to the kitchen and Mike is there, he told me something that seemed to ease my anxious mind... He said, "Ya know, if you go in there and there is some hot chick, with a 6 pack, or a guy all built; remember they all started in the same place as you are today. Everyone has to start somewhere. They won't look at you and think, 'she's fat, and why is she here.' They probably think, 'At least she is trying to do something to better herself.'" I find it a little hard to believe that they would have started at the same weight as me, but I understand what he is trying to say. This somewhat eased my mind, however, in the back of my mind I still think they will look at me and think I'm fat (which I am). But, ya know what? I went. On the drive over, I'm praying that there isn't anyone there. "Please let no one be there, I don't want anyone to see me making a fool of myself." I pull up and there are 2 cars. Great. I suck it up and go inside. Mike shows me where the locker rooms are, and I drop off my coat and keys. Head back down the 3 flights of stairs and wait for Mike. Of course there is a chick in there that is in ridiculous shape, and a guy who of course is all built and muscley. *sigh* Finally he gets down stairs and shows me where everything is. I suck up my anxiety, ok, let’s do this. He explains how to use the bench press. Puts 25 pounds on each side, I lay down on the bench, and.... nothing, I can't lift it. (Gives you an appreciation for people who talk about benching 300 pounds.) So, he switches it out for 10 pounds, and tells me how many to do. Much better and easier, or rather doable. Then we do the dumbbell for triceps. That sucks I must say. Then we go to do leg lifts. I go stand on the machine, and can’t even hold myself up. I must say I feel pretty defeated. But Mike is so good and understanding, he tells me, “It’s ok, one day we’ll get there.” So we go lie down on the mat and do crunches.... which sucked. He told me that after I do the sets for my chest, triceps, and abs; that I would work on the Bike for Cardio. I must say, I never thought that riding a bike would be such an incentive to finish the work out. I've figured out if it doesn't suck, then you're probably doing it wrong. I spent about 20 minutes on the recumbent bike, after the lifting, and zoned out. I must say it's kind of nice to be able to live inside your head for a bit. I zone out thinking about how nice it would be to be skinny, what kind of clothes I’d where, what my daughter will think, then my machine beeps at me and tells me I’m done. THANK GOODNESS! The walk up the stairs to get my stuff sucked too... I hate stairs…. But I think about it like a last push work out before going home. *le sigh* So I must say as much as my arms and legs feel like spaghetti, I hurt and don’t want to do it again (even thought I will); I’m very grateful for Mike. Not only because he is taking time out of his day, to help this fat chick be not so fat. But he isn’t judging me or making feel bad because I’m fat. THANK YOU MIKE! Operation skinny bitch is underway!

Good news and Bad news

So I have good news and Bad news...

First the bad... Unfourtunatley I will not be making Jam to sell at the farmers markets this summer and winter on the Scale that I did last year.

For those who dont know, I have really bad knees, and I was spending about 40-60 hours a week standing at the stove making Jam to sell; and because of that had no time for anything else and would be really sore at the end of the day :( I have about 17 different varieties, and making 10-13 types per week, each batch taking about 3-5 hours start to finish.

The good news you ask?? I will be making jam.... But as I will be making it for friends and family, I will only sell my excess, with Mary at the Creative Bubbles booth.

If you would like me to make you a batch of any type of Jam, I can do it for you. The only thing is you would just have to buy the Entire batch 4-9 jars depending on the type. It would take me roughly a week to do so...

I know a lot of you out there will be just as sad as I am about this... but if I am to keep my sanity I can not take care of a toddler, make jam, take care of a massive garden, the house and chew bubble gum at the same time...

I thank you all for your bussiness last year, and any in the possible future. ~~Stina

Tired....

So I'm tired... I'm completly, utterly exhausted, and tired of being Fat...

Over the last month I have bought a bike, (and was given an awesome trailer to pull the munchkin. thanks Sandy!) I am making a pact with myself... Actually I dont know if that is what I would call it... But my goal is by the end of the Summer to be a size 12... (not the present 18)

I'm tired of having a baby belly, and tired of my thighs rubbing together when I walk... I know that might be a bit much for some readers out there but its the Gods honest Truth... I'm sick of not being able to go into a store and buy a shirt, or a pair of pants that fits. I will be smaller... and It will happen.

to Tattoo or not to Tattoo... that is the question

So.... I went to the South Dakota Tattoo Convention this past weekend... which was fun... and I got to thinkin.... hmmmm... Should I start tattooing again, or make jam... cross roads... I can draw portraits like no other, I understand the dynamics of color theory. I just havent tattooed since before Missy was born... (almost 4 years, boy where does the time go???) I'm a little scared... I am in need of some guinea pigs... any volenteers???

http://www.facebook.com/ta2ed.diamond#!/pages/Scottsbluff-NE/Elixir-Tattoo-308-635-3597/206181373428

There is a Video from the convention on my Shops Page...

The winds of change... and I don't mean Autumn

So i'm having a quarter life crisis... In the words of miss Angelica, "My life has changed so much and I am not the person I was two years ago, much less 5 years ago. I am struggling to bridge who I was with who I am now. I am so many things to so many people. But, I haven't a clue who or what I am to myself. I feel like am I loosing myself just as much as I am finding myself."

I think everyone goes thru this, its just a matter of either facing and moving foward; or facing it and either ignoring it or living in the past. I'm going to choose the first.

To reflect.. in cleaning up my hard drive, I came across some pictures of my younger, colorfuly rebelious, insecure, absent minded, inconsiderate, un-tattooed, living in the now self.






and yes... my hair is pink

I used to go to concerts ALL THE TIME... I was at some kind of music venue about 3-4 nights a week... I was so sure that my way was the right way. I knew what I wanted and I went out and got it (well that part hasnt changed). I thought I was going to be a tattoo artist in las vegas and that was that.

and ya know after having my daughter I realized what is really important. If you would have told me 6 years ago that I would be Married, have a child, own a tattoo shop, have my own Gourmet Jam Company, and live in NEBRASKA.... I would have told you you were out of ur f*cking skull.

But I love it here. I have an AWESOME husband. Have in-laws who dont drive me crazy. A beautiful healthy daughter. I've learned to preseve foods, scrapebook, and quilt(again). I can have my own house and GARDEN!!! AND I get to fish whenever I feel the urge.

Its wierd to go from doing things becuase other people think they are cool. To figureing out what YOU actually like and realizing how drastically different the two are.

I know that the future has many more twists and turns ahead. But whatever comes my way I'll hopefully know how to deal with it. I think the universe only gives you as much as you can handle, even though it may not seem like it at the time.

Farmers Market...

So I've been away for a looooooooooooooong time... too busy making jam and takin care of the munchkin to write....

I've done 3 craft fairs so far this summer... with surprisingly great success :) I just did the Farmers market this past saturday and holy guacamole batman I just about sold out of everything I make... which is awesome except I'm fressh out of jars and pectin... but i have enough jars to do a couple batches of sugar free... YAY! I think here shortly I'm going to need help with the wholoe jam making process... i'm having to make so much just to keep up with demand... and each week i keep selling more and more. *le sigh*

Hopefully it wont be as busy this weekend so I can catch up next week....


Also on the artistic front... I get to go to North Platte in 2 weeks and paint huge mural in the Walmart there. WOO HOO!! Hopefully if this goes well they will want me to do walmarts all over Nebraska and South Dakota... WOOT!!! anywho i've got to go get the munchkin.....

ttfn