December 06, 2011

Operation Skinny Bitch

I woke up this morning dreading what lies ahead.... The gym. I think to myself, if I throw a temper-tantrum, maybe hold my breath, or just ignore Mike, I won't have to go. Damn you anxiety! But I need to go.... for my daughter, I need to go. So I go to the kitchen and Mike is there, he told me something that seemed to ease my anxious mind... He said, "Ya know, if you go in there and there is some hot chick, with a 6 pack, or a guy all built; remember they all started in the same place as you are today. Everyone has to start somewhere. They won't look at you and think, 'she's fat, and why is she here.' They probably think, 'At least she is trying to do something to better herself.'" I find it a little hard to believe that they would have started at the same weight as me, but I understand what he is trying to say. This somewhat eased my mind, however, in the back of my mind I still think they will look at me and think I'm fat (which I am). But, ya know what? I went. On the drive over, I'm praying that there isn't anyone there. "Please let no one be there, I don't want anyone to see me making a fool of myself." I pull up and there are 2 cars. Great. I suck it up and go inside. Mike shows me where the locker rooms are, and I drop off my coat and keys. Head back down the 3 flights of stairs and wait for Mike. Of course there is a chick in there that is in ridiculous shape, and a guy who of course is all built and muscley. *sigh* Finally he gets down stairs and shows me where everything is. I suck up my anxiety, ok, let’s do this. He explains how to use the bench press. Puts 25 pounds on each side, I lay down on the bench, and.... nothing, I can't lift it. (Gives you an appreciation for people who talk about benching 300 pounds.) So, he switches it out for 10 pounds, and tells me how many to do. Much better and easier, or rather doable. Then we do the dumbbell for triceps. That sucks I must say. Then we go to do leg lifts. I go stand on the machine, and can’t even hold myself up. I must say I feel pretty defeated. But Mike is so good and understanding, he tells me, “It’s ok, one day we’ll get there.” So we go lie down on the mat and do crunches.... which sucked. He told me that after I do the sets for my chest, triceps, and abs; that I would work on the Bike for Cardio. I must say, I never thought that riding a bike would be such an incentive to finish the work out. I've figured out if it doesn't suck, then you're probably doing it wrong. I spent about 20 minutes on the recumbent bike, after the lifting, and zoned out. I must say it's kind of nice to be able to live inside your head for a bit. I zone out thinking about how nice it would be to be skinny, what kind of clothes I’d where, what my daughter will think, then my machine beeps at me and tells me I’m done. THANK GOODNESS! The walk up the stairs to get my stuff sucked too... I hate stairs…. But I think about it like a last push work out before going home. *le sigh* So I must say as much as my arms and legs feel like spaghetti, I hurt and don’t want to do it again (even thought I will); I’m very grateful for Mike. Not only because he is taking time out of his day, to help this fat chick be not so fat. But he isn’t judging me or making feel bad because I’m fat. THANK YOU MIKE! Operation skinny bitch is underway!

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