Elation

So.... I have some excellent news to share with everyone!  I got approved for disability!! 

I have oh so many things I want to express about this, but don't know where to start.  So please ignore the spelling mistakes, the grammar mistakes, and curse words in the following:

   So for the past 7-9 years I have felt pretty fucking hopeless about my situation.  I need both of my knees replaced.  But, because of our governments bureaucratic bullshit, no "Private" health insurance would cover me.  It's pretty damn depressing to know that you will have this problem for the rest of your life and not be able to do a damn thing about it. 
 
   So I applied for disability, expecting to be denied; and to very much surprise today, they approved me!

   It fills my heart with so much joy to know that in several years I might be able to play tag with my daughter at the park.  Play hide and go seek, and not have to hide behind a tree because I can't bend down on my knees and hide under something.   To pick her up and carry her around.  <3

  To RUN.  I haven't run since I was 15 in high school.  I would be so terribly happy to go for a jog. Although I believe they the "J" is silent, so I think it's pronounced Yog.  I would love to go Yogging.  (I hope someone gets the reference. lol)

   Just to think that I could possibly stand without pain.  Go up or down a flight of stairs without the grinding and popping.

  Just being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel is so uplifting.  Even though it would be years away.  I know that I'll have to go through a lot, before I can even have the surgery.  But knowing the end result, I can not fail!

Thank you, everyone for their encouragement, support, and prayers.  I'm know it's helped! 

The Verdict

Well, this morning was D-Day.  I went to see the orthopedist.  He told me some things I already knew, and some things I didn't. 

After taking X-rays & range of motion test, he found:

A.)  There are no floating pieces of bone in either joint.  Any "floaters" I'm feeling are most likely pieces of cartilage.

B.)  The Pieces of Bone that were transplanted (one piece in each knee) have not backed out. Which is a relief.

C.)  I have severe medial arthritis, (medial is the inside part of the knee).

D.)  I need a Compartmental Knee Replacement in both knees.  The good news about this is that they can do both at once.  The bad news is that they don't do them here.  I'd have to go to Denver to have it done. (Compartmental knee replacement means only a section of the knee is replaced, not the entire joint.  Which is a good thing, all things considered.)

E.)  The only thing that could be done here is a cortisone shot.

Soooooo...... He gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory, and a re feral to Rehab to be evaluated for disability.

So I'm hoping this works out, because if I can get them replaced I might be able to actually go do stuff, or play tag with Missy.  *crosses fingers*

He did say yoga wouldn't hurt as long as my knees aren't compromised.  Stretching is good.  Grinding and Pain are bad.  lol

So let's see what tomorrow brings.  11am its Joe time!

Planks.....

Mike for Christmas had bought me a stretching/yoga book/DVD. So, today I bought a yoga mat..... a nice cushy one for the knees.... ^u^

I also bought another yoga DVD.   It is it broken up into different parts of the body, Abs, Upper Body, Lower Body, Total Body.  Each segment is 15 minutes.  Which for me is nice, it's long enough that it works; but, quick enough so that if it hurts, it's over relatively quickly.

I did the yoga for abs today.  OH MY GOODNESS.  Its hard to think that by holding a position for about 10-20 seconds that it would work as much as it does.  But, good gravy does it work.  Then of course just to add a bit more of awesomeness to the abs, I did Planks..... Fuck, I HATE planks. 

It's like, how can we make push ups more painful then sit ups?  I know!  Lets have someone hold a push up for 20 seconds on their hands or elbows pushing their ass in the air.  Yeah that's it, that's the ticket.

JEEEZ ZUUUUUUUZ!!!

Whoever first invented these should be taken out back and beaten. 

Happy Friday the 13th!!!

I went to the gym this morning and did my cardio on the bike for an hour.  Not much to report on that.

HOWEVER.....

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun....

After I got home and changed into regular clothes, I was able to close my belt one notch smaller. 

WOO HOO!!! 

I also found this on a friends Facebook, and think it sums up everything for today!!

Work.....

So, I kinda slacked the weigh in.  I was supposed to do it on the 6th.  That would have been 30 days.  But now at 33 days, here we go..... Cue the drum roll please.......

















Wait for it.....



















Wait for it.......

243.6  pounds. 

That means I'm .6 pounds away from having lost 10 pounds!!!!

WOOOOOOO  HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! 

It feels good to know that I've accomplished something.  Also good to know that working out and eating good is paying off. 

As simple as it is, I've realized there is no easy solution.  No magic diet.  No magic pill.  No magic drink or food.  The long and short of it is, that it takes work.  It's hard to comprehend sometimes.  Like there should be a more complicated answer.  But there isn't.  It's just work. 

On TV, you are bombarded with adds for magic pills, shakes, diets, and whatnot.  They make it seem like, "All you have to do is take this pill 3 times a day, or eat nothing but cabbage, or drink these shakes twice a day, or no carbs, or eat nothing but fish," and the list goes on and on.  I'm sure those things might work in the short term; but, only in the short term.  Shortly after you stop , you start gaining the weight back.

The Gods honest truth, (at least as it seems to me), is you have to be willing to change everything.  What you eat.  How you exercise.  How you plan your day.  Your outlook on life. And probably most importantly.  Don't be too proud to ask for help.  From anyone.

Don't be afraid to get a trainer.  I know they seem intimidating.  But they really aren't.  They know more then you can ever know by reading a book, and all they want to do is help you.  Plus, they aren't going to judge you.  They know what it's like to start out.  Everyone has to start somewhere, it's just taking those first couple of steps that seem to be the hardest. 

Looking back, it seemed like such an arduous task, to get up and go to the gym, or make something healthy to eat.  But now, it's just what we do.  Just a part of life.

It's kinda like tattoos. I know what your thinking, but hear me out. Getting tattooed can be painful, depending on the spot.  But we sit in the chair and put up with it for hours, just for the final product.  There isn't any other way to get tattooed, you can't take a pill, or draw it with marker, or use the stick on kind.  You have to use a needle if you want good lasting results.  It takes a lot patience and pain tolerance.  In the end, you have a beautiful piece of artwork to take with you for the rest of your life.  Being healthy and fit is the same thing. You have to go to the gym; and, not only go, but make it worth your while.  Make sure you eat right, and stick with it, and in the end (maybe a year or so) you will be healthy and fit.

So I will leave everyone with this thought today. 

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."   Lao-tzu,  Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Good news, and Bad news....

So I have good news and bad news.

 I'll get the bad news out of the way first.

As you all know I met Joe yesterday, and he showed me some stretches and things.  I think it was maybe a little too much, too soon for me to try that stuff.  Today I'm having a hard time walking and bending my knees.  I'm still going to meet with him on Monday for upper body stuff, my knees should hopefully feel better by then.

What's the good news you ask??

Well, I have put off going to the doctor for years.  Yes, years.  I've applied for health insurance, and been denied from 7 out of 8 company's.  The one that will cover me is way to expensive.  The reason they won't cover me is simple.  I need my knees replaced.

The pain has just gotten so severe that I need to see a Doctor.  

I'm pretty apprehensive about this.  For so long, I have put Missy and Ty ahead of me.  I kind of feel as if I'm being selfish for going, because I know it isn't going to be cheap.

C'est la Vie.   

If this is where the road of life is taking me then, this is where I shall travel; and if you care to join me then I will let you all in on my little expedition.

My appointment is on January 18th.   I'll let you all know how it goes then.

But for now, I'm just going on Monday to see Joe, and see how it goes.

Hey Joe what do ya know....

Houston we have a trainer..... Well kind of...

I went to the gym this morning to use the bike for some cardio.  While I was there, I met Joe.  I was a little scared to talk to him.  I must say it was rather intimidating and embarrassing.  But, anyways, I was on the bike and he came up and started talking to me.  And in all fairness I had emailed him about his classes, so he knew a little of my situation.

We set up a time for Monday. 

Woo Hoo!

 He said that there is a bunch of stuff he would like to show me that he thinks I might be able to do. Which made me feel good.  That I'm not a lost cause.  Then he left.

I continued to work on the bike for a while.  Then, all of the sudden, he came back.  He said he wanted to show me some of the stuff now. 

OOooooookaaaaaaaaaaaayyy.... I'm not gonna complain.  lol

He had me try some stretching stuff.  Man, most of it sucked hard.  He had me rolling on some foam cylinders.   JEEZ ZUUSSSS, did that suck balls.  He said it was kind of like when you work out the knots in your back.  He had me roll over several spots that just about made me stop.  But he said each time I do this it will get easier, and hopefully less painful.  Thanks goodness.

So I did the things he showed me and then waited for Ty to finish up, and went home.

What's that you say?? 

"I thought you would never go to the gym wtih Ty again?"

Well, I did go with him to the gym; however, he wasn't telling me what to do.  So I was ok with it.

Rule #1 Cardio

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!

Sooooooo..... a couple of things made me uber Happy today.... 

1.)   Even though its New years day, there was no one at the gym
2.)   When I sat down on my recumbent bike this evening, Star Wars was on TV.  (Which made the geek in me extremely happy.)
3.)  I burned 403 Calories with 1 hour on the bike, (Rule #1 of Zombieland helped to motivate me this evening.  If you don't know what Rule #1 is on Zombieland, watch the clip)

And....

4.)   Even though Mike told me not to weigh myself for 30 days, I cheated.  I stepped on the scale tonight after my workout..... and I was as 245.6, from 253.

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     Mike told me that I shouldn't weigh myself except once a month.   He said for the first couple of months you are exchanging muscle for fat.  So he said you may weigh the same from one week to another, but have less fat and more muscle.  He told me to pay attention to how your clothes are fitting.

     Which is another reason I'm also happy.  In the beginning of November I went to Torrid and bought several pairs of new Jeans, (because my old ones were getting worn out, big girls know what I'm talking about).  They were size 20, and when I bought them they were tight.  So tight in fact, that I had to wash them, then let them air dry so they wouldn't shrink.  BUT NOW!!!!!!!  They come straight out of the dryer and are fit normal around my waist, and baggy around my legs. 

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   So I'm going to end tonight on a good note.....

   With time, energy, and perseverance..... I will prevail!!!!!





It's just a wafer thin mint sir.....

Hello my Lovelies,
   First off, I would like to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas & Happy Chaunaka.  Also a early Happy New Year.  

   So, I think I was very good the week before Christmas; worked out every day, ate good and everything, knowing that the Christmas Party was coming up.  We had our tattoo shops Christmas Party on the 18th, and we went to go get Sushi.  (In case you don't know, I LOVE SUSHI!!!!!)

    I stuff my face until I feel like I'm gonna pop.  Oh, man was it good, totally worth the uncomfortably full stomach.  On the drive home, I started to feel nauseous.  Ick.   As we walk inside I immediately run to the bathroom and sit on the rim of the bath tub awaiting the inevitable.  But when I sat down I started to feel much better.  So, I get up and go lay down. 

     As I'm laying there, feeling like a gluten, I'm suddenly reminded of a scene from "Monty Python's Flying Circus." 

Fair Warning, this video is pretty graphic, and disgusting.  Viewer discretion advised, blah, blah, blah.

   So I'm sorry if this made you sick to your stomach.... but this is pretty much how I felt, completely overindulged, full, and uncomfortable.  

   As I'm sure you can imagine, after this visual runs through my head, I start debating if I should just go try to puke (which will mean no more sushi for Stina ever again), or just try and digest this sushi awesomeness in my belly, so I can eat sushi another day.

  Well, my stomach made my mind up for me.  All of the sudden I have this dire urge to up chuck.  I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, I can never eat sushi ever again.  Which breaks my heart.  But, I'm totally getting a sushi tattoo with Rest in Pieces somewhere.   

  The husband said I got my abb workout in at least.  Always look on the bright side of life, right!?

  I felt sick, but not puking sick after a little sleep, and decide I'm not going out in public, let alone to the gym for several days. 

   The next night my daughter starts not feeling good.  Like clockwork, she had the same problem I did the night before.  So we curled up and watched, "The Nutcracker ballet." Very Christmasy.

  At this rate, I just decide that it's so close to Christmas.  I'm not going to go into the gym, and I'm going to allow myself to have a break.  But after Christmas; it's on like Donkey Kong.

  I must say it was awesome!  We had a great Christmas ^u^  Filled with lots of cookies, candies, and no regrets!

 

     My sister-in-law came to town and decided to have all the girls come over for a sleep over last night.  THANK YOU!!!!!  Because of this, the husband decides he wants to work out with me.  And let me tell you, I will never do that again.  Geez.  He was like a drill Sargent with ADD.  He had no plan what so ever.  "Do this machine, then this, now do that, go do this one.  O yeah, I forgot about that one."  I wanted to tell him what my he tells me when I get distracted..... "Oh, look at da Kitty."  He was completely off track, no sense of direction, just having me do whatever comes to his mind.  I felt like a chicken with my head cut off.

   Then, when I started using the machine I already knew how to use, he comes over and looks at me without any emotion in his face and tells me, rather sternly, "Do 10-15."  Then promptly walks off. 

      WTF!  I'm having a hard time doing 7 in a set let alone 10-15.  

      I occasionally have trouble with anxiety; and when I feel overwhelmed I shut down, and for some reason this just pushed me over the edge.  So I said, "F*ck it. I'm done."

  I finish what I was doing.  Walk back over to where he was doing his lifting, make him stop, and told him, like kid on the playground,"You're mean and I want to work out with Mike.  I don't want to play with you anymore."  

   

   Does this make me a bad wife....?  I think not.  I love my husband, but if this is going to work; and I'm going to make Operation Skinny Bitch successful, I'm going to have to kick him to the curb, (at least when the gym is concerned.)

He who makes a beast of himself...

Today I made my very first trip to the intimidating GNC.  I'm lactose intolerant, so I wanted to see if they had soy protein powder for after my workout. 

Of course when I walk in there is a dude working the counter who looks like he spends about 8 hours a day in the gym.  O well.  I go up to him and ask him if they have soy, and they do!  WOO HOO!!  Pickings were slim as far as flavors, but beggars can't be choosers.  I bring home my goodies, and get ready for dinner, (homemade vegetable soup).

After getting the munchkin ready for bed, I headed out with Mike to the gym, (Ty stayed home with Missy). 

I was so happy to find that there wasn't anyone there. 

Tonight we did lats, biceps, and abs.  So, Mike basically showed me how to set up and use the machines.  He told me that tonight I need to keep my heart rate up, that I would start on the bike, lift, then go back to the bike.

So I started on the cardio setting on the recumbent bike for 12 minutes.  OMG! It just about kicked my ass.   It went from level 1 to 16 in about 5 minutes.  My thighs were burning, and I almost stopped, then a song came over the radio; Avenged Sevenfolds - Bat Country


"He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man."  As cheesy as it sounds, it totally helped me to push through.  Then it rose to level 19.  Jeez I thought I was gonna die, then came the section in the song:

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

Granted, this song I'm sure has some relation to drugs, as the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Theme indicates.  But, I made me think that I'm on my own, no one else can do this for me.  I have to push through, and before I knew it, the level went down and I was done.

I worked on the Lat Row Machine, did bicep curls, and leg lifts, one after the other trying to keep my heart rate up as I did them.  I did and extra set of 20 each, because I felt like I could. 

Then I went back to the Bike again, for another 30 minutes, on the weight loss setting.  It was nice because I felt like I was working.  Sweating my ass off. 
Then, another song came on the radio, from one of favorite artists/bands; White Zombie, More Human then Human. 


I had to pool all my strength and endurance.  It made me try to go as fast as I could for the last 5 minutes.  I was happy I was able to get through the last 5 at 90 RPM.... I think next time I'll go for 100 RPM.   Now on to tomorrow!!

Also FYI, the Vanilla Soy Protein Powder from GNC is excellent!